Friday, October 26, 2012

How not to teach a 3 year old anything at all

Since I am on a roll, I decided today would be the day I try to get some education into my 3 year old's day. I got this fantastic pack from here and it is, basically, fool proof. Basically.

So I downloaded the whole thing and started printing, right? Well, AR (the 3 year old) LOVES the printer. He can't reach it yet and his attempts at me picking him up to it did not lead to anything - mind you, he is 42 lb so I try to avoid lifting him when not necessary. No problem at all, he pulls a chair up to the printer while I was trying to use the temporary "down time" of no babies in hands and no 3 year old in my hair to unload the dishwasher. Next thing I know beautifully crafted lessons are flying everywhere. At this point DR (6 month old #2) decides to remind me that I left him all alone on a blanket upstairs with baby toys and he is not liking this anymore. So I first take AR off the chair, push the chair toward the kitchen, pull papers into one pile and run upstairs to get DR who is now exhausted. Plop DR in a swing (because I am a cool mom like that) while strapping him in since he has a tendency to jump off when I am not looking.

Step two, I run downstairs, give up on AR who is perched on the chair again next to the printer carefully checking to see if anything interesting pops up in order to load the dishwasher in a futile attempt to get the kitchen into a half reasonable state after hubby baked a cake for me last night (since today happens to be my birthday and all). And seeing how it's 11 already, pop up chicken nuggets into the microwave since it's my birthday and I don't feel like bending backwards trying to find the one item my son is willing to eat today. DJ (6 months old #1) chooses this moment to start screaming his head of at which point I stick his pacifier in his mouth with my hands full of chicken nugget fall off while hysterically shooshing at him hoping it will knock him into sleep within 5 seconds flat. It does not but he settles down enough to where I can actually leave him alone and go pick up the rest of the papers (no, the counters did not get wiped). Tossing papers onto the table where AR immediately digs in I run to the kitchen to put together a plate involving carrot sticks in an attempt to get some nutrients into the kid, said nuggets and, of course, ketchup.

Arriving at the the table AR has picked the worksheet with number 1 (which we immediately explore for a whole 30 seconds he is willing to pay attention to me pointing various items around the room and counting them aloud). I scramble around to find a writing device not being picky at this time knowing we have only about 15 seconds left till either 6 months old starts screaming. Randomly under the table is a black pencil which I grab and try to explain to AR how to follow lines (precursor to learning how to write), which leads me to a sad realization that I cannot get my 3 year old to follow a straight line. At this point DR who is no longer used to sleeping on his back since he can now roll to his belly starts complaining loudly about the swing and demand I find more appropriate accommodations. I stick him into CJs crib (6 month old #3) since that one is in our bedroom where no one opened the blinds this morning and is therefore nice and dark. While running downstairs I forget to turn the monitor on, so hopefully he does fall asleep instead of screaming for pacifier or such. At the table AR announces he broke it and points to the remnants of the pencil we used earlier.

And this, dear reader, encompasses the last two hours of my life including thirty minutes of writing (but not proof reading, got to feed hungry babies) this entry, which would not happen if it wasn't my birthday today and I was a bit more responsible toward my household duties. But now DJ is screaming for his bottle so the art of feeding 3 6 months olds at a time commences. Till next time!

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